he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
