you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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