The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
