i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they're like a gay fantastic four
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
