Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
