my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
