i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
