literally had 100 drinks last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
