Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
