i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
