Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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