and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
