Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
