you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
