I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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