im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is the high leading the old right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
