I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
