I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
