Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
