i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
