Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
