Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How naked do you want me to be?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
