direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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