she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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