My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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