Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
