pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
