Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
