if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
