the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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