oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
