did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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