Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the night ended with taco bell and tears
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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