he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
