I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry about my life...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
