so let's talk penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
