cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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