john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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