I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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