Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
