She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
