No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
