you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
