look no pants
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
