It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
