Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
