May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
