So drunk its hurt
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
