Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
smell my finger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
