I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
