Plan B is the new Plan A
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
