During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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