On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
