i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
